Top 6 Reasons Why Ellen is the Unwavering GOAT

By Brandon Suffel and Ollie Lecter Contributors

April 1, 2020

Ellen, there’s really no introduction necessary. But, to make it brief, there’s no one more notable, charitable, adored, and questionably-respected like her. She is the reckoning king of tv personality. And, arguably an ‘unwavering’ GOAT. Here are the six reasons why…

1. Ellen LOVES to dance!

If there is any one who makes dancing feel loved, it’s Ellen. The perfect way to start every show, it has to be with a dance, and Ellen makes sure of it. We all hope to dance with Ellen one day. Look at Ellen go!

2. Ellen LOVES to give away her money!

Wouldn’t it be nice to be affluent like Ellen is? I bet. Ellen isn’t greedy though, she LOVES to give away her money since she has so much of it. There is no way she can spend it all, so why not give it to those who will, like her loyal fans. Thanks Ellen!

3. Ellen can bench press over 350 pounds

Since Ellen did her most recent summer of’19 in Siberia Russia, she developed a liking to pumping HEAVY iron. Such gruesome lifting has cost her three back surgeries, two knee surgeries, and over $250,000 in Russian gym membership fees. However challenging the task, she presses on to be the first woman to bench press 950 pounds. Go Ellen!

4. Ellen’s Drug of Choice: Whippets

Of course, who doesn’t love whippets. A drug suited for someone of Ellen’s prestigious status. A past time she hasn’t been able to shake since her time at THE University of New Orleans. Ellen sure does love to suck the sweet stuff and blast off to Mars every once in a while. Invite us for some fun Ellen!

5. Ellen was the voice of “Dory” in Finding Nemo.

Did you know?
Who would’ve guessed…
Like most of the world, we all know that voice is Ellen’s! And right away, Ellen brings the comfort to you playing a sweet and loving blue fish — our beloved Dory. Someone to be considered a favorite of the movies list of characters. We sure are rooting for Dory. Hey Ellen, will there possibly be another?

6. Ellen, somehow lost ALL of her teeth last year

Ellen was kicked in the mouth by long time friend, Justin Timberlake! Although the charges were dropped after, Timberlake and Ellen are no longer on speaking terms over the incident. Ellen still shines as a model of beauty despite her gummy appearance.

If there is anyone who’s done it all and done the most, it’s Ellen. From her wild rides at THE University of New Orleans to being a beloved fictional sea creature for so many, Ellen has arguably achieved unwavering GOAT status.

Because you mean a lot to us, from your personal achievements to such an inspirational life, we contributors here at Breakfast at Midnight, thank you Ellen.

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